It wasn’t just me who had to deal with cancer. My sister flew from Australia to Luxembourg twice to be with me during chemotherapy. The last time I saw Jenni I was finishing my fourth round of soul-destroying EC chemo and starting the eight week brutality of Taxol chemotherapy. I was bald, listless, depressed, incapacitated … Continue reading Closure
Category: Mental health
12 months of cancer
It’s been a while since I’ve written because I knew what was coming and I’m not sure that I’ve got the courage for it. It’s time to talk about her but it’s difficult. I look at photos of her and it still makes me weep. It breaks my heart to see her, to remember her. … Continue reading 12 months of cancer
Anniversaries, scanxiety and colonic irrigation
Cancer is full of anniversaries. Shout out a date and I’ll be able to associate it with something cancer related, but this was the big one. One year since diagnosis. One year since the world titled on its axis and sent me hurtling straight to hell. A not so gentle reminder of the last 14 … Continue reading Anniversaries, scanxiety and colonic irrigation
It was fate
I swam around an island! I am amazing! If that weren’t incredible enough, it was called Shark Island! And for something spectacular, I did it from a boat! Knowing of my crippling shark phobia and my debilitating motion sickness may make this more impressive. I swam around an islandI'm on a boat When I decided … Continue reading It was fate
Juicy Mountain Magic
We have climbed to Limestone Plateau to release our cares to the imp of the mountain. Our yogi tells us that limestone absorbs negative emotions and if we ask, we may leave ours with the little man in the silver jacket. “It may be comfortable, it may be other, whatever”, Kenny intones. I lie on … Continue reading Juicy Mountain Magic
Juicy Mountain Recovery
The sheep baa in the distance as I shuffle away from the meditation platform shrouded in a grey and white blanket. I look back at those shuffling behind me, similarly cloaked in their grey and white blankets and giggle. “I don’t know why they think we’re a cult.” Laughter rings out, breaking the solemnity. Not … Continue reading Juicy Mountain Recovery
Pulse Check
It’s coming to three months since I finished active treatment and as I’m about to change things up radically, I thought I should do a check in of where I am right now. My personality is coming back and is both the blessing and the curse it has always been. Obsessive, diligent planning is assisting … Continue reading Pulse Check
Fury
I beat my fists against the walls of my world, but it is futile. They continue to close in on me as the lines between by brows deepen and my clenched jaw aches. I am trapped. Trapped in this city, this medical system, this illness, this mind. I am furious. I am beaten. I am … Continue reading Fury
Obsession
Three tears slid down my right cheek to pool on my chin before continuing down my throat to where my breast used to be. I held one hand on my heart and the other on my stomach as my yoga instructor told us our stomach is our core and knows the truth. What is it … Continue reading Obsession
Rehab…rewhat?
As I sat for the 6pm dinner, watching an ancient man being fed by a nurse, I realised that there had been a serious misunderstanding. Months ago I had found a brochure in a waiting room that sang to me of hope, a German rehabilitation centre for cancer survivors in their 30s and 40s. My … Continue reading Rehab…rewhat?
