It’s coming to three months since I finished active treatment and as I’m about to change things up radically, I thought I should do a check in of where I am right now. My personality is coming back and is both the blessing and the curse it has always been. Obsessive, diligent planning is assisting … Continue reading Pulse Check
Category: Breast cancer
Fury
I beat my fists against the walls of my world, but it is futile. They continue to close in on me as the lines between by brows deepen and my clenched jaw aches. I am trapped. Trapped in this city, this medical system, this illness, this mind. I am furious. I am beaten. I am … Continue reading Fury
Speed Demon
As I was conquering my distance goal last week, I pondered if I would be able to improve my time. It seemed a distinct possibility as I had picked up my pace for those last couple hundred metres and begun to feel my body move the way it’s meant to. So I set myself a … Continue reading Speed Demon
Jessican
I am changing my name to Jessican. During treatment I enthusiastically signed up for a swim holiday in October. Reading the fine print after, I realised that I’ll be swimming 25km in that week and, as a minimum, I should be able to swim 2.2km in an hour before I go. Pre-surgery this would not … Continue reading Jessican
Obsession
Three tears slid down my right cheek to pool on my chin before continuing down my throat to where my breast used to be. I held one hand on my heart and the other on my stomach as my yoga instructor told us our stomach is our core and knows the truth. What is it … Continue reading Obsession
Rehab…rewhat?
As I sat for the 6pm dinner, watching an ancient man being fed by a nurse, I realised that there had been a serious misunderstanding. Months ago I had found a brochure in a waiting room that sang to me of hope, a German rehabilitation centre for cancer survivors in their 30s and 40s. My … Continue reading Rehab…rewhat?
Moody AF
I swam 1000 metres today! I needed it because I am moody as fuck. I keep wondering if it’s my hormone therapy kicking in, but I have the vague suspicion that it’s just life. I had a gastroscopy on Wednesday which is always awful even if the results were good. And I really hurt my … Continue reading Moody AF
What does a uni look like? (clothed)
I am a unicorn I was devastated when I found out I needed a mastectomy, even more so when I was told it would be unilateral and reconstruction would be delayed at least six months. One of the first things I did was scour the internet for what I would look like with one breast. … Continue reading What does a uni look like? (clothed)
Buddha belly running
My love/hate relationship with running started ten years ago when, as a bit of a big talker, I told my manager that I could whip his ass in a half marathon and he called my bluff and got me to sign up for one. I may talk before I think, but I am also a … Continue reading Buddha belly running
Swimming in Sweden
Five years ago, on a ski course, I walked into a guesthouse restaurant to see a man grinning awkwardly. I grinned awkwardly back and made a new best friend. Five minutes later his wife walked in and then there were three. We shared a passion for restaurants, travelling to new places, smutty jokes, ridiculous challenges, … Continue reading Swimming in Sweden
