I am changing my name to Jessican. During treatment I enthusiastically signed up for a swim holiday in October. Reading the fine print after, I realised that I’ll be swimming 25km in that week and, as a minimum, I should be able to swim 2.2km in an hour before I go. Pre-surgery this would not … Continue reading Jessican
Category: Breast cancer
Obsession
Three tears slid down my right cheek to pool on my chin before continuing down my throat to where my breast used to be. I held one hand on my heart and the other on my stomach as my yoga instructor told us our stomach is our core and knows the truth. What is it … Continue reading Obsession
Rehab…rewhat?
As I sat for the 6pm dinner, watching an ancient man being fed by a nurse, I realised that there had been a serious misunderstanding. Months ago I had found a brochure in a waiting room that sang to me of hope, a German rehabilitation centre for cancer survivors in their 30s and 40s. My … Continue reading Rehab…rewhat?
Moody AF
I swam 1000 metres today! I needed it because I am moody as fuck. I keep wondering if it’s my hormone therapy kicking in, but I have the vague suspicion that it’s just life. I had a gastroscopy on Wednesday which is always awful even if the results were good. And I really hurt my … Continue reading Moody AF
What does a uni look like? (clothed)
I am a unicorn I was devastated when I found out I needed a mastectomy, even more so when I was told it would be unilateral and reconstruction would be delayed at least six months. One of the first things I did was scour the internet for what I would look like with one breast. … Continue reading What does a uni look like? (clothed)
Buddha belly running
My love/hate relationship with running started ten years ago when, as a bit of a big talker, I told my manager that I could whip his ass in a half marathon and he called my bluff and got me to sign up for one. I may talk before I think, but I am also a … Continue reading Buddha belly running
Swimming in Sweden
Five years ago, on a ski course, I walked into a guesthouse restaurant to see a man grinning awkwardly. I grinned awkwardly back and made a new best friend. Five minutes later his wife walked in and then there were three. We shared a passion for restaurants, travelling to new places, smutty jokes, ridiculous challenges, … Continue reading Swimming in Sweden
What if I am cured?
The water tower through the cornfieldsEpiphaniesSitting by the frog pond with a visitor The water tower. My goal. My nemesis. I moved apartments as treatment began; to one with a lift, a second bedroom for carers and big windows for my sanity during the long winter days of sickness. Soon after moving in, Suzanne introduced … Continue reading What if I am cured?
Swimming with Suzanne
Swimming with Suzanne Well of course my first swim had to be with Suzanne. When I moved to Luxembourg, there was this brief, sweet moment when I was waiting for my visa to be finalised before I could start working. I set up my new apartment, explored my new home, joined a stack of social … Continue reading Swimming with Suzanne
I want this to be a good news story
I made a conscious decision to start my story only after I had finished active treatment of chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy. I want this to be a story of recovery, of life after. I want this to be a good news story. But it can’t be that without acknowledging what I’ve gone through and where … Continue reading I want this to be a good news story
